I am a Military Spouse

I am a Military Spouse

First and foremost, I am a Military Spouse.

I am also loads of other amazing things too… a mom to three crazy and incredible boys, a Certified Holistic Nutritionist and a Chef that uses my degree to develop recipes, meal plans and prep guides. I am an Entrepreneur. I launched and started my biz while we were stationed in South Korea.

WHY I LEAD WITH MILITARY SPOUSE

I always lead with military spouse because first and foremost my husband is a soldier. When he signed the dotted line, he gave himself to the military – which I did at one point too. When I finished my time in service (2006) and I decided to get out, we got married, started a family and all that good stuff.

I know in hindsight, so much animosity and resentment was built towards my husband because I wasn’t the priority. The military always comes first – that is part of a soldier’s life. That’s not going to change while they are under contract.​

I know that I am literally not going to be first. Which is a steep, steep learning curve to accept and I really didn’t for a long time. I think, rather I know in hindsight,  so much animosity and resentment built towards my husband because I wasn’t the priority. The military always comes first – That is part of a soldier’s life. That’s not going to change while they are under contract.

WHEN YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE, YOU BELIEVE YOU WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST

Not really what you envision when you think about being married and your life together. As a wife, you think you’re always going to be at the top and always going to be the first choice and the priority for your spouse – and that’s not the case. Some of it could be a natural learning curve for marriage, real life, and adult responsibilities. So much to learn with firsthand knowledge.

As a military spouse, you must find a way to fulfill yourself or else you will start feeling like, I don’t want to say a victim because that’s not really the right word, but you can take on that victim mentality. “I’m not a priority. I’m not important enough.” Even if you’re not thinking of it in those terms, if the phone rings, if he gets a text message, if anything comes through and he has to go take care of it, then he’s gotta go and he’s going take care of it.

I realize there are a lot of professions like this, but if he does not go and take care of the issue he will lose his career and we will not have the life which we have. This is such an amazing and incredible life – we have so many great benefits from it, but you have to learn to fulfill yourself. You have to swallow the tough pill which is the military coming first.

 

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WHY DO MOMS ALWAYS LOSE THEMSELVES

As a mother, it is so easy, and everybody does in the beginning, you lose yourself. Literally, your baby needs you to stay alive. You live and breathe for your child. You jump at every whimper and every whim. You’re constantly checking to see if they’re still alive. You’re providing food and life and growth for them.

Once they start gaining independence, it’s just so engrained that you are doing everything for this child, it’s so hard to consciously pull back from them and start revisiting your individual passions. Of course your children are your passion and they are the most incredible thing to happen to your life – you can’t even explain the feeling you have by having children to someone who doesn’t have them.

 

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But you have to find a way to get back in touch with that fire inside of you that lights you up because if you completely lose yourself, you start losing every layer of self. Your health will go, as well as, your mental health. Meaning your self-worth, self-esteem and self-care seem to be lost.

If you’re not a priority in the respect that your spouse is a soldier then you can really start to feel so unimportant. Which is not the case at all, it’s just you’ve got to fill yourself up.

I see it all the time in the military spouse community, military spouses can become very bitchy towards each other and tear each other apart. Really that’s just a sign of someone’s internal unhappiness. And when someone is internally unhappy, they’re going to project negatively and with loads of toxicity

You also have to find a way to get back in touch with that fire inside of you that lights you up. Because if you completely lose yourself, you start losing every layer of self. Your health will go, as well as your mental health. Meaning your self-worth, self-esteem and self-care seem to be lost.

CONCLUSION

Being a Military Spouse comes with a sharp learning curve.

​​The Army will always come first for my husband because he signed a contract and it’s our way of life.

As a domino effect, Military Spouse becomes my first title.

I have to pick up the pieces left by a soldier spouse who isn’t around to do it.

A result of the exhaustion and loss of self, which usually happens in this lifestyle, a conscious effort for self-care has to happen.

What have you found the most challenging part of being a military spouse is?

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